I'm starting to wonder if all my efforts in my cca is even worth it. All i'm getting is injuries, daoing from other judokas except when they r looking for someone to bully, and getting tired and unable to focus on my schoolwork. And now, eric koh has excluded me from leadership challenge.

Thou i accept it that all things happen for a reason, or in this case a wide number of reasons, from eric koh dun like me (i dun like him either), to God having other plans for me, to Him just tryin to teach me a life lesson.

I really cant find anyone to talk to. Even God is daoing me. Perhaps even other gods would dao me if i switch to their religions. I feel quite frustrated, quite lost, quite unsure of what to do.
The people that i would have talked to, i dun want to share my inner thots with them anymore, cos they just turn out to be unable to understand me, and now they are probably smiling is glee at what they have gained which is what i have missed out on.

I'm really thinking about quiting judo. I dun like training camp. I dun like havin to sacrifice so much of my time training when the school doesnt give us much support, and we have to be chasing after hwa chong all the time. Well, perhaps the only thing i like is randori, but i dun like it either cos i get tons of injuries from it.
But i know that if i quit, i'll be losing a lot of the things i've gained thru blood and sweat and tears.
I really dun want to complain loudly to the world, so i've resorted to ranting madly here.
I want to talk to eric koh face to face, but i dun want to do that cos i dun want to give him a chance to make fun of me, to reduce me to just a mouse, subjected to his whims and fancy.

What i want to be is a leader, a champion. Even if i am to be a follower, i want to be at least a dignified one. I dun want to be sum lowly guy, being bullied and overlooked all the time.

I wonder if i had joined rugby, would everything be different, be better for me, perhaps? I cant help but think what would it be like if i had placed rugby as my first choice.

But this is the path i've chosen, and this is the path i'm forced to travel for the next 1 1/2 years.