Wonder why im posting when im supposed to sleep? One reason is cos im gonna start and finish my du shu bao gao, which was hol hw given way long ago, with the help of nescafe and oreo cookie bars. Another reason is... well you'll realise...

Every minute, i think about you. I wait for your sms night and day. I dun get why im so obsessed with you. Its wrong, its harmful, its not good for our friendship. we're really just friends afer all. Or shud i have cut off our friendship?...

But my inner devil rages at that mention of one of my deepest, most hated enemies. Do you know that i saw your sms tt night? Do you know tt i saw your blog tt same night? And my inner devil keeps me awake at night. I guess you never knew the impact tt that sentence had on my impression of you, on my love for you. I've met older ppl on the other side who deflected to here, and they've been branded traitors. U want the same to fall on you?

The devil inside me screams for me to treat you with the deepest hatred that one can have, as a traitor, as a she-devil.
The angel inside me cries out for me to pray that you stay, that you still stay and remain on the path, that u still stay around as a friend, so that i can have the chance to treat u nicely.

I'm so confused. My hatred is tearing me apart. I feel like being a demon, on the rugby pitch rippin and flippin the people from the other side apart like chicken, in the back alley tearing off their flesh and punching off their faces till they turn bloody and then spit on them. My devil tells me to scream a war cry like a Maori warrior intent on killing, in front of the people of the other side, in front of their rugby captains, in front of you, face to face.

I dunno if i want to do that to show my hatred towards you, or just scare you off so that i wont ever have to scare you again ever, that u might avoid me, forget me.

I dunno. I guess im too obsessed with you. With you around, i cant focus. Without you around, i cant focus. I feel most relaxed talking to you in person. I always hope that u come online, that u sms me, even though i often fail to reply to you. You pointed that out in the past, but i've yet to change.

I 've been askin myself for the last 1 1/2 hour, why would you want to hope over to the other side? Issit because of money? Fame? Preference for guys on the other side? Or issit because of me?

I guess what goes around, comes around. I nvr treasured you a a friend in the past, when in the start, i said that i sincerely want to be your friend. I guess my words are crap, bullshit, unreliable.

I did too many things because of you. Without you, i would have still remained a loser, a second stringer in judo, a noob in terms of dress sense, a nerd geper destined only to mug and nvr appreciate the good things in life. But i guess i was dumb to believe that it was possible between us.

And now, im still doing so much because of you. I guess it might be that i want to match up to you to impress you. But i've realised, all this is unimportant. Its about fate, our fates decided by God, like a microsoft word document that is read-only.

有缘无份

But i promise you, that i wont give up on the legacy, the positive impact you left, that changed my life, my view of the world.

My heart softens everytime i think about you.

You'll probably see this 1 week after i post it. Please tell me what to do. Cos im confused, in the dark, blinded. Only you have the power to free me. Even God has seemed to abandon me.
I know you'll feel awkward reading this. I understand. But i just have to let it out, or risk distroying my soul. Hope you'll understand.

I really don't know. Please tell me how.

Won't Go Home Without You - Maroon 5

I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen
She left before I had the chance to say (Oh)
The words that would mend the things that were broken
But now it's far too late, she's gone away

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

The taste of your breath, I'll never get over
The noises that she made kept me awake (Oh)
The weight of things that remain unspoken
Built up so much it crushed us everyday

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

Of all the things I felt but never really shown
Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go
I should not ever let you go, oh oh oh

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you

In My Place - Coldplay

In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah

I was lost, I was lost
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed
I was lost, oh yeah

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?
Yeah, how long must you pay for him?
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

I was scared, I was scared
Tired and underprepared
But I wait for you

If you go, if you go
Leaving me down here on my own
Well I wait for you

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?
Yeah, how long must you pay for him?
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

Please, please, please
Come back and sing to me
To me, me

Come on and sing it out, out, out
Come on and sing it now, now, now
Come on and sing it

In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah
Oh yeah